Goda Mačėnaitė – Vilnius, Lithuania
i was born to be a painter therefore i am one. when i paint i feel invincible. i feel life flowing through me. i feel a like a fraud and i love myself. i feel horrible, great and delusional all at the same time. its wonderful.
with all that in mind i work as a programmer during the day. oh life, you cruel, blind son of a bitch.
i dream of the day when i will be able to wake up and go my own, separate way.
but then i wake up, look through the window to the other windows in front of me, listen to the birds chirping, eat my buckwheats and go on with my life. kicking every trashcan that i can and drawing on every surface that i’m able to find. feeling happy just by thinking about all these things, about the future and stuff, going by the places where people study art. this is my home now. i know i’m not one of them, but
“I’ll sleep by your door, lay my life on the line
You probably don’t know but I’m gonna make you mine”
to quote Bob Dylan.
in conclusion. i know what i am. and now, i guess, you do too. you can see me walking down the street, wearing the same damn thing every day. white shirts. blue jeans. talking about art and bob dylan with some randos and fellow programmers who’ll listen. you can imagine me laying in my bed at night anxious about my future, feeling as if everyone hates me just because i still haven’t found my place under the sun, quoting Allen Ginsberg under my nose and eating buckwheats. buckwheats. always buckwheats.
i hope thats enough. i hope i can consider you my friend now.